I am dead. I died from addiction. It is a horrible disease. The pain caused from addiction takes so many forms. I suffered. I don’t believe my parents or brother ever understood the suffering I endured as an addict. In fact, my brother for the longest of time,thought I was just stupid. For my parents it took quite awhile for them to understand but eventually they understood that I was afflicted with a disease. I was an alcoholic, used marijuana and cocaine and, like many addicts, was addicted to nicotine. The cocaine killed me.

I believe I inherited my addiction from my birth mother in the country where I was born. I was adopted and came to the United States when I was 7 months old. My parents were delighted with their little girl. I was immediately my Dad’s pumpkin. My addiction and use of alcohol and nicotine started in my early teens. I barely graduated from high school because of missing so many classes.

I started treatment for addiction in my late teens. Like many of you I tried and failed to recover from my disease on many occasions. I almost made it the last time. I very unexpectedly slipped and died. The details are murky and unimportant.

I am telling you my story because I want you, if you are an addict, to understand the pain I inflicted on those who loved me and still love me. As an addict I stole money from my parents many times. I stole from others as well. Addiction has a way of breeding larceny in people to support their habit. My parents threw me out of the house several times and I know it was more painful for them to do so than the pain it caused me. I lost jobs because of my disease though many of my employers took me back and gave me a second chance because, when sober, I was a good employee. I was not a bad person just a very ill one.

It still hurts to know how much pain I caused others especially my parents whose pain is still ongoing. They miss me every day. My Dad often cries and my Mom still suffers depression from my loss. My brother grieves me as do some of my friends. One of my friends visited my grave recently to seek my advice. Another one of my closest friends died from addiction 7 months after I did. The lasting pain from an addict who dies is tortuous on their loved ones. I tell you this because, if you are an addict, please seek treatment. You will not only save yourself from a terrible existence and that does not have a good ending but will will lessen the pain you have caused your loved ones.

I love my parents and I know they still love me. I miss my many friends as I know they miss me.


Poetry anonymously shared.